It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
