I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
