five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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