He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
