I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
