After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
