Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
