i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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