Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
