I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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