physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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