alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
