maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
