fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
