He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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