i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
