The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
