I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
