my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
