I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
