I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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