I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
