My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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