Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
