like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
