sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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