Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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