idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
