Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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