talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
