Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
