I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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