last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
