anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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