Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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