True but thats because hes a fetus.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
