last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Randomize
