see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
