Welp...herpes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
