tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
