i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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