are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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