It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
