we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
