I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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