My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
