i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
