Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
