Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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