I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
