Why does Corona taste like a burp?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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